Kim Possible Porn Story: Failure Is The Only Option – Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Disney Corp owns Kim Possible, not me. And neither of us owns the James Bond franchise, but they might just as well . . .

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Wade nervously slurped on his soda. He was getting worried since he hadnt been able to reach anyone on the Kimmunicator, and was afraid that their current sitch might not have turned out for the best. Suddenly he had a terrifying thought. Oh, no! What if that episode turns out to be the season finale, and theyre stuck in limbo for 4 months?

He shook off his concern as he continued to make adjustments to the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer. He frowned as he made an unfortunate discovery. Oh, great! It looks like the power conduit is routed directly through the fail-safe device, which is connected to both the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer and the self-destruct mechanism. Unless I turn the analyzer back on, I could set off the self-destruct if I try to pull them back!

Wade sighed deeply. Reluctantly, he switched the analyzer back on, hoping he could find a way to disconnect the self-destruct mechanism without frying the rest of the circuitry, and hoping that his friends would be spared too many more embarrassing or dangerous situations . . .

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Meanwhile, Ron found himself smartly dressed in a tuxedo and walking down a white corridor.

Hey, wheres everybody else? he wondered out loud.

Ron stopped when the all too familiar background music started. Uh, oh . . .

A camera was tracking him through the barrel of a gun. But instead of the Ron suddenly drawing his weapon and firing on the unseen assailant, the gun barrel began firing.

AAHH! Stop shooting at me! he yelled, running away as several shots whizzed by him, much too close for comfort. But close enough for . . .

Not my pants! AGAIN? What is with you people! he wailed as he ran for cover, leaving his bullet-ridden tux pants behind on the floor.

The opening credits began to roll, announcing the title of the newest James Blond movie; Tomorrows World Never Dies Enough. As the sultry voice of Christy Carlson Romano crooned the seductive theme song, Kims lithe form was clearly recognizable as she swam by in silhouette. Ron immediately followed her, doing a frog kick and obviously holding the Quantum Reverser under his arm. Rufus dogpaddled close behind, chattering away and holding on to the battery pack, which had once again fallen out. Bringing up the rear, Shego swam furiously trying to catch up with the heroes. Still in silhouette, she stopped swimming for a moment when she noticed the camera focused on her.

HEY! I thought I told you guys that I dont bake cakes, and I dont jump out of them! With a grunt and a bright green plasma flash, the credits vaporized as the movie began.

The scene cut to the headquarters of MI6, and the well-appointed outer office its director, known only as N. Whoa! Im James Blond? Booyah! How cool is that? Ron stepped through the door and charmingly greeted the secretary.

Hello, Miss Hennypenny. Youre looking particularly beautiful today.

She smiled and replied, Oh, James, always the charmer.

The intercom snapped on, and the impatient voice of MI6s director was heard. Oh, do stop flirting with the staff and get in here, Mr. Blond!

Ron sighed, Sorry, Hennypenny, but duty calls.

Miss Hennypenny giggled. Certainly, James, but you cant go in there like that now, can you?

Ron looked down and saw that he was still without his pants, his Wonder Weasel shorts sporting a few bullet holes for good measure.

Ron blushed as he quickly rushed for the door and said, Please tell N Ill be back in five minutes . . .

A few minutes later, Ron was in conference with N, who bore a striking resemblance to Dr. Director of Global Justice. Small world, he said under his breath.

One of Ns eyebrows rose slightly. What was that, Double Uh Oh?

Nothing, N. Please continue.

With a slight shrug, N began. Many years ago, the organization known as SPECTER was one of our most dangerous adversaries, until it was defeated by one of your predecessors. Unfortunately, SPECTER has once again reared its ugly head, and threatens to take over the world through nuclear blackmail.

N pushed a button and a screen scrolled down from the ceiling. The photo that appeared showed a blue-skinned villain all too familiar to Ron.

This is Dr. Yes, now in command of SPECTER. Hes a scientific genius, and weve confirmed that he has perfected a practical time travel device. However, hes extremely eccentric and rather . . . disorganized. We believe the real brains behind the organization is this person.

The projector advanced to the next photo, revealing another familiar face, tinged with a hint of green. She was clad in her classic colors of green and black, but instead of her normal jumpsuit, she instead wore a tight-fitting and rather low cut leather dress. Miss Shego Goodthighs is as dangerous as she is beautiful, so please dont get any ideas, Double Uh Oh.

The goofy grin that had appeared on Rons face quickly disappeared after Ns last comment. Ron cleared his throat before replying. Let me guess: my assignment is to retrieve the time machine if possible, destroy it if its not, and avoid any . . . entanglements . . . with the enemy. A vision of being attacked by a bevy of crazed supermodels flashed unbidden through his mind.

Very good, James. Oh, and one more thing. Dr. Yes has obtained a small nuclear device through the Russian black market, and threatens to use it unless his demands are met.

Ah. Total world domination, I presume?

Unfortunately so, James. And with a practical time machine, hell be able to transport the device to anywhere, anytime. Ns face darkened. This is a threat unlike any we have ever faced before. It would be impossible to overstate the seriousness of the situation.

Ron smiled inwardly as he could hear Kim saying, Anythings possible for a Possible.

N continued. If theres any good news at all, its that the device isnt actually in his hands yet. However, it is about to be delivered to him by a liaison between SPECTER and the Russians. Heres the only photo we have of her. The projector advanced to the next slide, and Rons jaw dropped as he immediately recognized Bonnie.

This is Bunnitailya Rockwalskaya, working undercover as a ballet dancer with the Kiev Ballet. Theyre scheduled for a performance of Tchaikovskys Swan Lake this evening in Nice, where we believe Dr. Yes will meet her and obtain the device. You must do everything possible to prevent that from happening, James. Oh, and were also assigning one of Americas top agents to assist you. Shes an expert in nuclear weapon miniaturization as well as hand-to-hand combat, and is fluent in both French and Russian. Shell be a great help to you on this assignment.

N pushed a button, and a striking young redhead entered the room. Wearing a slender black dress with an attractive slit up the thigh, she leisurely sashayed over to Ron as ‘N’ introduced her. James, meet Kimberly St. Bullederriere.

Ron was overjoyed to see Kim again, but Kim seemed a bit non-plussed for some reason. He took her hand while doing his best Sean Connery imitation. A pleasure, Ms. Bullederriere. Im sure that well be a perfect fit for each other on this mission.

Kim pursed her lips as she whispered under her breath, I know this is a James Blond movie, Ron, but would you watch the double-entendres please?

Without missing a beat, Ron winked at Kim and whispered back, Of course, Kim! Just playing the part. Rufus then popped out of Rons pocket and mischievously said, Playing the part, Uh huh, uh huh! Ron kissed Kims hand gently, and she began to relax as a smile began to play at her lips.

N cleared her throat, which immediately gained the pairs attention. Your plane for Nice leaves in an hour: youre both registered at the Hotel Negresco under the name of Mr. and Mrs. Blond. N handed them their tickets. And stop by R&D for your briefing, Double Uh Oh. Good luck to you both. And with that, they left the room and headed for the R&D lab.

As they walked down the hallway, Ron ventured a question. Kim, when I first saw you just now, you didnt seem too happy. Whats your damage?

Kim sighed as she replied, You dont understand French, do you, Ron?

Nope. Bueno Nacho is my foreign language of preference, if you hadnt noticed. Why?

Kim started to blush. My name. Bullederriere means Bubble Butt in French. She clenched her fist and grumbled, Drakken will so pay for this . . .

It was now Rons turn to blush as he began to snicker. Dont worry Kim. Your moms nickname for you will be our little secret. He choked down an even larger chuckle as they entered the R&D lab.

As they strolled down the aisle, they noticed several white-coated lab technicians working on some unusual new weapons. One technician opened what appeared to be a packet of Bueno Nacho hot sauce, labeled Super Ultra Extra Hot. He squeezed a few drops onto a steel plate that was more than a foot thick, promptly burning a hole not only through the steel plate, but completely through the floor as well and into the basement. Muffled screams could be heard from below. Ron and Kim involuntarily shuddered.

A familiar voice tinged with an English accent then addressed them. Ah, yes. Our newest super solvent. It will eat through practically anything. Ironically, its only slightly stronger than Bueno Nachos hottest taco sauce.

Before them stood MI6s pre-eminent R&D scientist, known only as P.

Mr. Dr. P! Ron exclaimed.

Switching to his normal voice, he replied, No, just P in this movie, Ronald. But I must admit, Ive always had a terrific affinity for this character. Dr. P chuckled. Ah, the amazing technological devices, the incredible cars . . . they all remind me of my favorite times back in college. His smile faded a bit as he continued. Hmm. Well Ronald, it looks like youre cast as James Blond, super spy and ultimate lady-killer. And Kim, his super spy associate and Blond Girl? Dr. P cocked an eyebrow as his frown deepened. Ron and Kim both blushed and grinned sheepishly as they tried to think of something to say. I trust that youll both remember that this is just a movie were trapped in, and not let yourselves get too . . . buried in your characters?

Rons face was now a bright shade of crimson. Absolutely, Dr. P! No question, sir!

Dr. P smiled. Thats good, Ronald. I trust youll both be on your best behavior. Or else I have just two words for you.

Ron swallowed apprehensively. Wh-what would those words be, Dr. P?

Black hole, Ronald. Deep space black hole.

Uh, thats four words, sir.

Kim went suddenly pale at Rons comment, as she desperately gave him a slashing motion to stop.

And you, young lady. You had better be the good Blond Girl. Very good.

Kim smiled reassuringly. Dont worry, Dad. Well be on our best behavior, no matter what sitch Dr. Drakken sticks us into. I promise Ill be very good.

With a devilish grin, Ron couldnt help but say under his breath, Yeah, very good, earning him a sharp poke in the ribs from Kim.

Quickly assuming his characters accent once again, Dr. P continued. Now listen carefully, Double Uh Oh. Your car is the most advanced vehicle yet that weve been able to design. Not only does it have the standard machine guns, tire shredders, oil slick and smoke generators, bulletproof glass and ejection seats, but weve given it submersible capability to 100 feet, as well as VTOL capability.

Rons jaw dropped as his face lit up. You mean this bon-diggity thing can fly? Booyah!

Several technicians were quickly making final adjustments on the car. Kim could have sworn that she saw her brothers Jim and Tim in small lab coats adjusting the propulsion rockets.

Oh, and do try to bring it back in one piece if you dont mind, Double Uh Oh? Well be loading it into your plane straightaway.

And with that, Ron and Kim headed to the airport on their latest mission to save the world.

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So sorry for the long delay in posting this next chapter! Blame it on a combo of grading final exams, major writer’s block and general exhaustion. And this new chapter held a number of additional challenges for me. I wanted to write a 007 sitch, but felt the need to tone down the usual overt sexual overtones associated with the James Bond genre in order to keep within the context of a late season 4 KP episode. But I still wanted the James Bond flavor, and so I tried to keep any innuendos in context with our heroes still being in high school, and a Disney one at that. Never mind Disney’s obvious subtext of sexy cheerleaders and drop-dead gorgeous femme fatales . . . Add to that the challenge of KP already being a parody of the 007 spy and action genre, and trying to come up with a reasonable plot that fit my storyline while being creatively different enough from a regular episode, and so . . . well, you be the judge of how successful I’ve been. That’s kinda the point, right, my bon-diggity friends? Update hopefully by next week. Until then, enjoy! MA