Kim Possible Porn Story: Confessions of a Teenage Heroine Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I
only own my villainesses and Shego’s parents.

Wherever we were going, it was far
away. Like, nearly a 24 hour drive from what I could tell. We stopped
occasionally to eat, fill up, and switch drivers, but that was it.
And the whole time I was blindfolded and bound, never allowed to do
so much as stretch my legs. What they thought I would do if I was
free was beyond me…

Eventually, they carried me out of the
van and inside. They set me on the bed.

“Don’t you guys think this is a
little extreme?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise party. We’re
trying to make it an absolute surprise,” Mischief said like
Jafar, and then suddenly switched to Iago, “GET THAT
COMPLIMENTARY NOTEPAD OUTTA HERE!!”

“I have to pee,” I whined.

“Hold it; we’ll be done clearing
the evidence in a minute,” Artica insisted. Evidence of what?

True to their word, they untied and
unblinded me. We were in a hotel room somewhere. Well, this was
awkward. I went to the bathroom quickly and noticed they had even
taken the precautions of hiding the complimentary toiletries.

“Okay, guys, what’s up?” I
asked, coming out. They were trying to act casual.

“Trying to figure out where we’re
all gonna sleep. Your birthday budget didn’t allow more than one
room,” Golden Arrow said. I sighed.

“Can you at least tell me what
state we’re in?”

“CANADA!” Mischief screamed
like Jim Carrey. There were numerous groans and head slaps.

“Canada doesn’t even have states,
you moron,” Metaphor muttered.

“Well, we brought a few clues to
help you out…” War Hawk admitted. Golden Arrow tossed a duffle
bag onto the bed.

I opened it. DVD’s and VHS’s galore.
“Aladdin”. “The Little Mermaid”. “Finding
Nemo”. “Lilo and Stitch”.

“Chuck E. Cheese’s?” I
guessed.

“Dear goodness, Shego!”
Golden Arrow shouted, “It’s as obvious as the fur on Tigress!”

“Told you she wouldn’t get it,”
Artica grumbled.

“Birthday girl gets to pick the
movie,” Mischief declared like Homer from the Simpsons. I
shifted through the movies, trying to figure out what the heck they
were planning. A movie premiere?

I tossed “Sleeping Beauty”
onto the bed.

“Let’s go with the classics
first,” I suggested.

So, my eyes were glued to the screen,
trying to decipher hidden clues. Meanwhile, Artica went to go pick up
some burgers from McDonald’s and Golden Arrow was fiercely fighting
the statement that she looked like Aurora.

“Well, if you’d take your hair out
of that eternal ponytail and curl it, you would,” Artica said.

“I don’t look like a Disney
princess! I could beat that stupid little airhead up…well, if she
wasn’t protected by a prince and three fairies,” Golden Arrow
growled.

“It’s an honor to look like a
Disney princess. Except Snow White. She’s not that pretty,” War
Hawk said.

“Shut up, Goldie. You look like
Aurora. Deal with it,” I snapped.

“Ohhh. Someone’s a little cranky
when she doesn’t know what’s going on,” Golden Arrow teased.

“No, I’m just sick of you denying
what you know to be true,” I muttered.

Don’t ask me what happened next. I
can’t really explain the phenomenon myself. Maybe it was because we
all watched this half a dozen times a day when we were little,
whether we were fans of it or not. Maybe it was because it was a good
song. Maybe there was a gas leak in our room. Whatever the reason,
once Aurora started her little forest tune, we all started singing
along. And then Mischief, in typical Mischief fashion, got up and
started waltzing around the room. We all burst out laughing.

And then, on an impulse, I jumped up
from the bed, put one of my hands in hers and the other on her hip,
and started waltzing with her, belting out the lyrics.

“I KNOW YOU, I WALKED WITH YOU
ONCE UPON A DREAM! I KNOW YOU, THE GLEAM IN YOUR EYES IS SO FAMILIAR
A GLEAM!”

Mischief dipped me down as the door
opened. I looked up.

“Betty!” I shrieked.
Mischief, thankfully, did not drop me but pulled me back up. The
villainesses looked warily at her, edging away.

Artica glared at me.

“She made me,” she accused,
indicating Betty and the swarm of GJ muscle men behind them.

“Do you stalk me?!” I cried
out. Betty smirked.

“Only when I have to,” Have
to? Cra-ap.

“This is about a mission, isn’t
it?” I muttered. Betty nodded. I groaned, “Do you have to
spoil absolutely everything?”

“Excuse me for prioritizing world
peace and safety above your social life,” she muttered. I rolled
my eyes.

“What is it this time? Deranged
madman threatening to take over Disneyworld?

Actually, to destroy it, Go
figure.

Cant you go bug my brothers about
it? Im kind of in the middle of a late birthday party slash
hostage situation here, I motioned towards my friends.

Well, youre in the area, Betty
argued. I arched an eyebrow.

Define area.

There go our plans, Golden Arrow
muttered.

“You’re roughly 45 minutes away
from Disneyworld,” Disneyworld? I glanced at the bag full of
videos.

“You were going to take me to
Disneyworld?!” I exclaimed.

“It was supposed to be a
surprise,” Artica snarled, glaring at Betty. She ignored Artica.

“You guys are too sweet,” I
gushed. Betty snorted.

“They stole the passes from a
family whose son is dying. It was his wish from the Make a Wish
foundation.”

“We’re borrowing them. Borrowing
means we have every intention of giving them back and borrowing is
not the same as stealing. Shego deserves to see Mickey just as much
as any cancer patient,” Golden Arrow pointed out. Aw, how sweet.
In a twisted-display-of-villainess-love kind of way.

“How about this; you help Shego
out and no one has to go to prison?” The girls groaned at the
ultimatum.

“They’ll think about it,” I
jumped in before they outright refused.

“Characters get to the park at
seven for dress-up. You have until then,” Betty warned and then
turned with her macho men. Artica slammed the door behind them.

“I loathe
GJ with a fiery passion, especially Dr. Director,” she hissed,
“One of these days, I’m just gonna plant a bomb up her-“

“Careful of wires,” I
reminded her. I was a little peeved myself. They went through all
this trouble for a surprise kidnapping party (at Disneyworld,
nonetheless!) and my job at GJ calls. Well, at least it looked like I
was being put on missions again instead of security.

“I’m game,” Mischief said
like Mego. Everyone turned and stared at her.

“You’re willing to take two
bashings to your rep by helping GJ? Love Shego, but not that much,”
Metaphor said, looking apologetically at me.

“But we gets to play dress-up and
be in a Disaney parade!” Mischief said like Tigger.

“Actually, that does sound a
little fun,” War Hawk admitted.

“Not to mention free admission to
the park. Legally,” Golden Arrow added.

“Aw, come on! Don’t get sucked in!
We’re probably going to just sit and stare at computer screens all
day, and for what?! To get better acquainted with Dr. Director? To
act like we’re the good guys?”

“Don’t start on that reputation
crap. You just don’t like the heat,” Golden Arrow insisted.

“It’s early December. At most,
it’ll be a balmy 60 degrees,” War Hawk coaxed.

“I’m not Frosty the Snowman! I can
take the heat!” Artica snapped, and then looked worried, “Did
you say 60?” She asked timidly.

“At most,” War Hawk repeated
reassuringly.

Metaphor rolled her eyes.

“Well, I’ve always been a sucker
for peer pressure. I’m in if y’all are in,” she surrendered.

“Fine! Fine! Maybe I’ll just go
back to Go City and tell Tigress now, so you can absolutely lose your
dignity as a villainess!” Artica stormed out, “I forgot the
hamburgers in the van…” she muttered.

&

Eventually, the other girls persuaded
Artica to come along. And I didn’t even have to say a word. They must
really want to do it.

We got to the park at seven. Betty
didn’t look surprised to see that the villainesses had decided to
join me.

“Follow me,” she commanded.
She walked to a door that read “Employees Only: Unauthorized
Access Prohibited” and opened it, “The suspect’s name is
Fred Zophres, AKA: The Dream Killer. He was abused and neglected as a
child. He feels it’s a “justified vengeance” to go around
smashing young children’s hopes and aspirations.”

“I don’t care what side of the law
you’re on, that’s wrong,” War Hawk muttered.

We walked down a staircase and through
a hallway.

“So, what’s your plan, Savior of
the Universe?” I asked. Betty didnt even bat an eyelash.

There are roughly 6 main sections of
the Disneyworld theme park and there are 6 of you. If you spread out
evenly, preferably in disguise, there is a good chance well find
the Dream Killer before he strikes. Heres a map, she handed me
a program of Disneyworld. I glanced inside and saw in bright,
cartoonish illustration the layout of the Magic Kingdom.

I glanced at my friends. Most of them
looked compliant, which is a good sign as far as villains go. The
only scowler in the group was Artica.

Betty tapped a series of numbers into
a keypad. The door unlocked and eased open. Betty gave me a look I
had only occasionally witnessed, mostly aimed towards Will or Hego.
It said, Shego, Im stepping out now. I sure hope you can pull
this off. Its in your hands now. I nodded.

Come on, girls, I said, boldly
going first into the dark room. They followed.

What is this place? Artica
muttered.

It smells like BO, Golden Arrow
said disgustedly. War Hawk shrieked, making us all tense up.

Something touched me! She
exclaimed.

Hang on. I think I found a light
switch, Metaphor said.

The light went on and we all jumped.
It looked like someone had skinned Disneys most beloved critters
and hung them up to dry. We all laughed in embarrassment.

So, Shego, whats your
plan? Metaphor asked.

I hate to say this, but I have to
agree with Betty. If we all spread out, were bound to catch him,
I found a nearby table and spread out the map for everyone to seem.

She had a point about disguising
ourselves, especially Shego. Youre a little too well known for you
to just walk around, Golden Arrow motioned at my face. Yeah, green
skin didnt exactly scream normal.

We get to play dress-up?!
Mischief squealed like a
typical five-year-old girl.

As long as we dont pick
characters in the same section of the park, I reminded her.

We all glanced at each other, acting
casual. Then, all at the same time, we rushed for the costumes.

I claim Ariel! I called out.

Dibs on Mickey! Golden Arrow
replied.

Mockeecha!
Mischief shouted, pulling down Stitchs costume eagerly.

It was fun, trying on different
costumes, playing grown-up dress-up. I felt like a spy, going behind
the scenes of Disney and infiltrating the characters wardrobe. It
was difficult trying to coordinate who was doing which area. Mischief
was the easiest; she stayed with her original choice of Stitch.
However, Artica wasnt being so passive.

Theyre all either hot, stuffy, or
smelly, she complained.

Yeah. What did you expect? Golden
Arrow gave a muffled laugh from inside Mickeys head. That choice
wasnt going to happen as long as I and the others had a say.

I cant walk around all day like
this, she motioned at the Rafiki costume she was slipping off.

We get breaks, Metaphor said. I
turned around…and clenched my teeth.

I already said I
was going to be Ariel, I flipped my red wig for emphasis. She
looked amazingly realistic; I wouldnt doubt if those were real
green fish scales on her perfect looking fin.

Dont you think the shape-shifter
should be the mermaid? She said persuasively. The other girls,
hearing the argument, started comparing our costumes.

Sorry, but Metaphor does look a lot
more like an Ariel than you do. I mean, just look at her tail, War
Hawk said. Metaphor gave a bubbly laugh that sounded very, very Jodi
Benson.

Sorry, Shego, but your costume
choice has been overruled, Mischief said like Judge Judy. I threw
off the wig. Another best disguise victory for the
shape-shifter.

Maybe I could just be, like, one of
those ride people. You know, the ones that check the seatbelts and
tell you all the stupid stuff your common sense should tell you not
to do anyway, Artica suggested.

But that means youll only be
situated in one spot, Golden Arrow pointed out.

I think the Monorail is air
conditioned. That way, you can watch the people coming into
Disneyworld, War Hawk suggested. Artica shrugged.

Beats walking around in a ridiculous
costume all day, she admitted.

Then someones got to take two
sections, I pointed out.

Ill take Frontierland and
Adventureland, War Hawk offered, pulling on a Timon costume,
Theyre both out of the way and pretty much overlap anyway. Ill
fit in at both places, she assured me.

I put up the Ariel costume with a
heavy heart and took down the Tigger one. I was going to be a
well-loved Disney character no matter what. I glanced at the map.
Timon had Frontierland and Adventureland, Stitch had Tomorrowland,
Ariel had Fantasyland, and Tigger had Mickeys Toontown Fair (dont
ask me how Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse decided to collaborate,
but they did).

All we need is a Main Street, U.S.A.
character, I announced.

Um, hello? Mickey Mouse, Golden
Arrow waved her glove up and down her body. We all laughed.

Oh, youre not going to be Mickey
Mouse, Artica said darkly.

We tackled her and, carefully,
stripped her of her costume.

Get the dress! Get the dress! I
screamed, my knees pinning her in the stomach. Mischief sprinted and
grabbed it.

Golden Arrow took one look at it and
fought harder.

IM NOT GOING TO BE A FRICKIN
DISNEY PRINCESS! She screeched.

Do not deny whats inside! You are
Aurora! I yelled back. Artica reached up and cut the circulation
to her head off. She was out cold in no time.

It will be easier this way,
Artica said gravely.

Artica, Mischief, and War Hawk carried
her off into a separate dressing room to finish the job. Needless to
say, we had a very cranky but beautiful Golden Arrow when Sleeping
Beauty woke up.

I wish youd curl your hair more
often, War Hawk said wistfully as she played with Golden Arrows
curls. Golden Arrow grabbed her wrist.

Touch me again and die, you filthy
backstabber! She hissed. War Hawk jumped back a few feet at the
least.

“We will find the princess in you
yet, Golden Arrow-san, no matter how deeply buried,” Mischief
decided, speaking like Jackie Chan. She gave a killing glare to
Mischief.

We were all about to get into our
costumes when a knock came at the door.

“No one’s naked,” I called. I
heard Betty sigh and then walk in.

“I have surprises for you girls,”
she said as sweetly as she was capable of being towards villainesses.

“Surprises! I love surprises!”
Mischief exclaimed like Snow White.

Betty set down a black rectangular
case onto the table and opened it. There were six pairs of earrings
and six choker necklaces, all black.

“Stylish walkie-talkies?” I
guessed. She nodded.

“Your microphones,” she
pointed to the necklaces, “and your listening devices.”

“Separate channel?” Artica
asked.

“Of course.”

“Security measures?”

“They couldn’t hack into the feed
with even the most advanced technology,” Artica looked at me as
if to say, “One
more thing to hate about GJ; one step ahead of every technological
advance.”

We all took a choker and a pair and
put them on.

“We’ve got it all figured out,”
I informed her. She looked at me.

“Your career hangs in the balance.
For your sake, I hope you somehow manage not to destroy the most
magical place on earth.”

&

“Tigger to Timon, Tigger to
Timon,”

“What’s up, Tigger?”

“Nothing, except for little kids
hugging me and kicking me in the shin. Anything going on in
Frontierland or Adventureland?”

“Nothing but signing autographs
and posing for pics,” I sighed in frustration.

Even for December, it was warm for
someone who had lived in the New England area all their life. Not to
mention how heavy and sweaty being a giant cartoon tiger was. At
least the characters in costume didn’t have to speak.

“Aurora, how are you holding up?”

“Tigger, I’m going to friggin’
skin you and use your pelt as a rug.”

“I take it you’re on break?”

“Yes, and using it to plot my
revenge.”

“Why are you angry at me? I didn’t
touch you with make-up!”

“You dragged us all into this!”

“Not really. We kind of came on
our own-“

“Shut up, Timon.”

“Looks like someone needs to go
back to sleep for another hundred years,” Artica purred.

“You’re just glad because you’re
in air conditioning.”

“Stitch?” I changed the
subject.

“Naga naga,” she said, which
sounded to me like another negative.

“Ariel?”

“Everything’s wonderful over in
the grotto!” She said joyfully. Apparently the kiddies weren’t
letting the little mermaid get ready for the parade.

Little kids…ugh. I can’t STAND
little kids. They’re annoying and attentive and cuddly and violent
and…ugh. This was not going to be a career option for me. It was
hard talking to the other girls seeing if they’d found anyone
suspicious when there’s a dozen little kids screaming, “OH MY
GOSH IT’S TIGGER!!”

Being a Disney character is only fun
in theory.

Timon walked up from the Lion King
float to the Mickey and friends
float.

“Hey,
Tigs.”

“T-man,”
We slapped high fives. She pulled me closer.

“We
have no idea what this guy looks like,” she murmured.

“Crap,
you’re right. Stupid Betty.”

“Jane
to company, Jane to company. I’ve just got news from another employee
that a suspicious man in a cape just got off the ferry. This could be
our guy.”

“We’re
kind of in a parade right now,” Golden Arrow muttered, “And
I swear, Tigger, your only saving grace is the fact that Prince
Philip is a college student, extremely hot, and is flirting with me.
I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but I will get you back for
this.”

“Put
your vendetta away, girlies, we’ve got to keep our eyes and ears
open,” Metaphor said. War Hawk nodded good bye and went back to
her float.

The
parade is a pain as well, especially when you’re not in front. You
have to wait. And wait. And wait. And then you get ready. And then
wait. Finally, you’re on the street trying to wave to everyone and
also trying to stay ahead of the float. Those suckers are faster than
they appear when you’re wearing 10, 15 pounds of costume.

“Betty
to Tigger, Betty to Tigger, do you hear me?”

“Yeah,
loud and clear,” I said hesitantly. She hadn’t busted into our
conversation before.

“I
have good news and bad news. Good news is that the man in the cape
Jane talked about is the Dream Killer.”

“What’s
the bad news, then?” War Hawk asked.

“We’ve
found some strange pulses in the subterrainian levels that are timed
to combust at any given time.”

“Um,
English?” I asked.

“There’s
a bomb that’s going to explode,” Artica said.

“When?!”
I hissed. Pooh stumbled into me.

“Watch
it,” he muttered. Apparently I had stopped.

“It’s
set to go off during Float 12.”

“My
float!” Metaphor said quietly. Masks were amazing things when
you didn’t want someone to know you were talking to someone through a
necklace.

“Ariel’s
a mermaid,” War Hawk stated. I almost said “no duh”
when I realized what she was really saying. Ariel had fins.

Without
thinking, I went sprinting up the parade. I bet Ariel was really
wishing for some legs now. I tripped over my tail, but recovered and
grabbed it.

“No
pressure, Tigger, but Float 9 just passed the bomb point,” Betty
said.

“I’m
going, I’m going,” I huffed.

“Goobaja!”
Stitch cheered (or at least I think Mischief was cheering me on).

The
float music was in hearing distance.

“The
newt play the flute the carp play the harp. The plaice play the bass
and they soundin’ sharp.”

“Float
10.” No pressure, right, Betty? I ran harder.

“The
bass play the brass, the chub play the tub. The fluke is the duke of
soul! The ray he can play the lings on the strings…”

“Float
11.”

I
jumped onto the back of Ariel’s float.

“The
trout rockin’ out. The black fish, she sings. The smelt and the
sprat, they know where it’s at. And oh, that blowfish blow!”

Ariel
and Eric turned to me; Ariel relieved, Eric confused. I stumbled
around the plastic rocks, dodging Sebastian the crab’s swinging
mechanical pinchers. The upbeat chorus rang out.

“Under
the sea, under the sea. When the sardine begin the beguine it’s music
to me…” Eric blocked my path.

“Um,
can I borrow your princess real quick? And can you kindly jump off
the float? It’s going to explode,” His eyes widened.

“Listen
to him, Eric,” Ariel hissed.

“…what
do they got, a lot of sand? We got a hot crustacean band! Each little
clam here know how to jam here under the sea…” Eric continued
to mirror my every move.

“ERIC!”
Ariel screeched.

“Dang
it, Shego, get them out of there!!” Betty screamed.

“…each
little slug here cuttin’ a rug here under the sea…”

Metaphor
grabbed Eric and hurled him off of the float.

“You’ll
thank me later!” She called.

“…each
little snail here know how to wail here…” I scooped her up and
stumbled down the side of the float.

“…that’s
why it’s hotter under the water. Ya, we in luck here, down in the
muck here…” I leaped off the float just as it exploded. Not
unlike an action/spy/Disney movie.

“Under
the-” The end cut off as the speakers were blown.

We
looked up. A lot of eyes were on Tigger holding the little mermaid
while Eric stared, baffled, off to the side. We each threw an arm in
the air.

“SEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!!”
We belted out. The little children burst into applause, especially
the boys. The adults glanced at each other. We didn’t have enough
time to worry about their reaction.

Just
then, a man in a black cloak was running by, half-carrying,
half-dragging a ticked off Aurora. She caught my eye and flashed me
an inappropriate hand gesture.

“Come
on; let’s go save the damsel in distress,” I said, taking off
with Ariel, who was surprisingly light for a mermaid. Metaphor
snorted.

“Like
she needs saving.”

The
others, excluding Artica, joined the pursuit as he passed by. He ran
down Main Street and right up to Cinderella’s Castle. We had to push
through a baffled crowd to get to the castle.

“Where’d
he go?” War Hawk asked.

“Up
there! Up there!” The little kids screeched. We all craned our
necks.

Sure
enough, Aurora was glaring at us as the Dream Killer held a gun to
her head. His hood had fallen back; he was a curly red afro nerd with
freckles and buck teeth.

“DISNEY
RUINED MY CHILDHOOD, SO NOW I SHALL RUIN DISNEY!!” He
screeched. I rolled my eyes. As true as that was, it was rather lame
to try to get back at them.

“Oh
dear, whatever shall I do?” Golden Arrow said lamely, not even
attempting to act.

“Shoot
her!” A smart-butt teenage guy yelled.

“No,
let’s not shoot Aurora!” Metaphor exclaimed.

“Don’t
shoot Aurora! Don’t shoot Aurora!” The little ones wailed. The
Dream Killer tried to yell over them, but the magic of child-like
faith and innocence drowned him up. They were stalling.

“Kata
baka-dooka?” Mischief asked.

“Sure,
whatever,” I muttered, glancing for a place to set Metaphor
down. I saw a vacant stroller, “Excuse me, can I use this for a
little bit? Ariel has trouble standing,” I asked the parents. A
little girl’s eyes lit up.

“Sure…”
The parents agreed hesitantly. I set Metaphor into the stroller. She
briefly glared at me.

“Ariel?”
The little girl whispered. Metaphor turned to her and smiled.

“And
who might you be?” She said cheerily.

“My
name’s Melanie. You’re my favorite princess out of all of them,”
she said honestly. The plastered on smile all characters gave faded
away for a minute, and a genuine smile came through.

“Thank
you,” she said.

There
is nothing quite as sweet as a small child that still believes in
magic and fantasy, and nothing quite as heart-melting as a child
saying that they loved or looked up to you. You just never want them
to grow up, never want them to learn that there was no such thing as
magic, that the people you look up to don’t exist. You don’t want
them to go through the jading you went through.

I
guess I related more to this villain than I thought. Well, in the
jaded way, not the “I want to ruin everyone else’s dreams”
way.

“AGGABA!”
Stitch cheered as she came out, pulling Aurora behind her. The little
ones cheered.

But
right behind her was the Dream Killer, minus the gun. We all
exchanged glances. Did we really want to fight in front
of little kids? Weren’t we supposed to be acting? What was proper
Disney protocol for a terrorist trying to kill Aurora?

“Bluff
it! Do whatever you have to do not
to outright fight him!” Betty made our decision. Still didn’t
make it any easier, and the Dream Killer was catching up with Aurora
with a crazed, homocidal look in his eyes.

“Oh
dear, what am I going to do?” Aurora wondered outloud. Timon
snapped her fingers.

“Why
don’t you SING, Princess Aurora?” We all glanced at her. Golden
Arrow gave a nervous laugh.

“Sing?
Well, what would singing do?” She asked.

“Don’t
you remember from princess self-defense class?” Ariel called
from the stroller, “SINGing?”
The light bulb went off in everyone’s head at that moment.

Golden
Arrow cleared her throat dramatically.

“When
there is a stranger coming from behind to grab you, there are some
important things that you must do,” she sang. She really has a
lovely singing voice, but she hates singing in front of others.

The
Dream Killer was right behind her now, practically breathing down her
neck.

“S
is for stomach, drive your elbow in nice and neat,” she began,
drilling her elbow into his stomach. The air rushed out of him as he
doubled over, “I is for instep, for he can’t run with broken
feet.”

She
pounded down onto his inner foot. He screeched, but I don’t think she
really broke anything.

“N
is for nose, to the ground he goes,” Golden Arrow spun around
and drove the heel of her hand towards his nose. Blood spurted out as
he fell. Thank goodness she hadn’t shoved it into his brain, or we
would have a lot of explaining to do.

Golden
Arrow stationed her feet on either side.

“And
g is for groin, a very sensitive loin,” she slammed her foot
down into his gonads, causing him to scream.

As
though reading each others’ minds, we all converged together and
repeated her song.

“When
there is a stranger coming from behind to grab you, there are some
important things that you must do. S is for stomach, drive your elbow
in nice and neat. I is for instep, for he can’t run with broken feet.
N is for nose, to the ground he goes. And g is for groin, a very
sensitive loin,” On the same page again, we all started shaking
our hands. Except for Mischief, who started wiggling her fingers.

I
nudged her.

“No
spirit fingers. Jazz hands,” I hissed. She switched immediately
without any other nudges.

I
don’t believe in magic. I don’t believe in fantasy. But I do believe
in miracles. God granted us one right there in front of Cinderella’s
castle. The rest of the Disney characters joined us, did jazz hands,
and learned the song within one go-around. Show people are amazingly
gifted with improv.

I
glanced over my shoulder and saw the Dream Killer begin to rise
again.

“But
what if SINGing doesn’t work. Then what?” My voice squeaked a
little. Aurora glanced at me, and then at the Dream Killer.

Everyone
else’s eyes were on her now. But she handled the pressure well.

“Well,
if SINGing doesn’t work, here is one more trick. BETing works well,
but you best do it quick,” she noted as she skirted around the
Dream Killer.

“Bet?!”
All of us asked in unison. It was almost like we were trapped in a
musical or something.

“B
is for behind the knees, it will make them collapse and freeze,”
she knocked him behind his knees. He crumpled to the ground. She went
down and then hooked her fingers into his eyes.

“E
is for eyes; a nasty, blinding surprise,” Thank goodness she had
the restraint to not pop them out.

She
wrapped her arm around his neck and pushed his head forward with her
other hand.

“And
t is for the throat, simply
cutoffthecirculationtotheheadtocausehimtopassoutafterafewminutesdraghisunconsciousbodyintoasafeandundisclosedlocationincaseyouaccidentallykilledhimnoonewilleverknowitwasyou,”
she smiled at the children, probably hoping none of the parents
understood that.

She
stood up as soon as he was unconscious.

“And
on that note…” I muttered.

“If
you’re in trouble and you don’t know what to do, just remember the
acronyms we taught to you,” she sang.

And
then we sang both songs a few more times to drive it home. By the end
of our performance, we had even convinced the parents.

&

“Well,
that wasn’t a complete disaster…” Betty admitted as we sat in
the dressing room, out of our costumes. I shifted the bag of ice on
my eye the same time Golden Arrow adjusted the one she was holding to
her lip.

Aurora
wasn’t too happy about any of what had just happened, and decided to
take her anger out on Tigger as soon as they were out of the public
eye.

“I’m
getting paid overtime for this, right?” I asked. She sighed.

“I
suppose, since you didn’t volunteer for this assignment, I have to.”

“Yes!”
I cheered. War Hawk slapped me a high five.

Golden
Arrow straightened a little and then dug into her pocket. She pulled
out her cellphone. She furrowed her eyebrows at the screen, and then
answered.

“Hello?…Yes,
she’s here…Roughly in the Orlando area…Having a late birthday
party…Metaphor, Mischief, War Hawk, Artica, and myself. Out of
curiousity, how did you get this number? I only recently got this
number…Yeah, hold on…Love you too, Mrs. Go,” she handed the
phone to me, “If there’s one person who has more resources and
information than GJ, then it has to be your mom,” she muttered.

Oh
crap. I put it up to my ear.

“Hey,
Mom,” I said cheerily.

“Don’t
lie to me, Shego. Are you really in Orlando celebrating your late
birthday party with Metaphor, Mischief, War Hawk, Artica, and Golden
Arrow?”

“Yes,”
My mom had a tendency to burn bushes to the ground.

“Are
you saving the world?” I winced.

“Define
“world”,” I said.

“Define
what you are doing that would make you ask me to define “world”.”

“I
may have just defeated a villian who was bent on destroying childhood
dreams,” There was a pause.

“That’s
borderline,” she said. I gave a small moan.

“How
much trouble am I expected to be in when I get home?” I asked.
She sighed.

“A
good mother would ground you and lecture you on not running off to a
different state with her friends while you’re suspended at school.
But you and I both know I’ve never claimed to be a good mother,”
I smiled, “Since you’re with your villainess friends and because
of the reason for your suspension, you’re off the hook this time.
Next time you go, though, please call so I don’t have to track down
your friends’ cellphone numbers.”

“Agreed.
Love you, Mom.”

“Love
you too, baby girl,” I hung up and I grinned.

“I
love having a crime lordess for a mom,” I said.

&

…that
has to be one of the strangest, most random things I have ever
written. Please do not flame me; I had to get this out of my system.
And I was on a sugar high when I wrote that self-defense song.
Anyway, happy summer vacation!